These Advice given by My Dad That Helped Us during my time as a Brand-New Dad

"In my view I was just just surviving for a year."

Ex- reality TV star Ryan Libbey thought he would to handle the demands of being a father.

But the reality quickly became "completely different" to what he'd imagined.

Serious health issues surrounding the birth caused his partner Louise hospitalised. Abruptly he was pushed into becoming her chief support while also looking after their infant son Leo.

"I took on all the nights, every change… every walk. The role of both parents," Ryan explained.

Following 11 months he burnt out. It was a conversation with his own dad, on a bench in the park, that made him realise he needed help.

The straightforward words "You aren't in a healthy space. You must get some help. How can I assist you?" paved the way for Ryan to express himself truthfully, look for assistance and find a way back.

His experience is far from unique, but seldom highlighted. While the public is now more comfortable discussing the strain on moms and about PND, far less attention is paid about the challenges fathers encounter.

Seeking help isn't a weakness to request support'

Ryan feels his struggles are part of a larger reluctance to communicate amongst men, who often hold onto damaging ideas of manhood.

Men, he says, frequently believe they must be "the harbour wall that just gets smashed and stays upright time and again."

"It is not a display of failure to ask for help. I failed to do that fast enough," he adds.

Therapist Dr Jill Domoney, a researcher focusing on mental health pre and post childbirth, says men frequently refuse to accept they're having a hard time.

They can think they are "not a legitimate person to be requesting help" - most notably in preference to a mother and child - but she stresses their mental health is equally important to the household.

Ryan's chat with his dad offered him the chance to ask for a pause - spending a short trip abroad, separate from the home environment, to gain perspective.

He understood he had to make a shift to focus on his and his partner's feelings as well as the day-to-day duties of looking after a new baby.

When he opened up to Louise, he realised he'd failed to notice "what she was yearning" -reassuring touch and paying attention to her words.

'Parenting yourself

That realisation has transformed how Ryan perceives fatherhood.

He's now composing Leo weekly letters about his experiences as a dad, which he wishes his son will look at as he grows up.

Ryan thinks these will assist his son better understand the language of emotion and understand his approach to fatherhood.

The notion of "self-parenting" is something artist Professor Green - whose name is Stephen Manderson - has also strongly identified with since becoming a dad to his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

During his childhood Stephen lacked reliable male a father figure. Even with having an "incredible" relationship with his dad, profound trauma resulted in his father struggled to cope and was "coming and going" of his life, affecting their connection.

Stephen says suppressing emotions led him to make "bad choices" when younger to alter how he felt, finding solace in alcohol and substances as a way out from the anguish.

"You find your way to behaviours that aren't helpful," he notes. "They can briefly alter how you feel, but they will in the end make things worse."

Tips for Getting By as a First-Time Parent

• Open up to someone - if you're feeling under pressure, confide in a trusted person, your partner or a counsellor what you're going through. Doing so may to lighten the load and make you feel less isolated.
• Remember your hobbies - make time for the activities that made you feel like the person you were before becoming a parent. This might be going for a run, seeing friends or playing video games.
• Don't ignore the physical stuff - nutritious food, physical activity and where possible, resting, all contribute in how your mental state is faring.
• Meet other parents in the same boat - sharing their experiences, the challenges, as well as the positive moments, can help to put into perspective how you're feeling.
• Know that seeking help does not mean you've failed - prioritising your own well-being is the most effective way you can support your household.

When his father subsequently died by suicide, Stephen expectedly struggled to accept the death, having had no contact with him for a long time.

Now being a father himself, Stephen's determined not to "perpetuate the cycle" with his own son and instead offer the stability and emotional guidance he missed out on.

When his son starts to have a meltdown, for example, they do "shaking the feelings out" together - expressing the emotions constructively.

The two men Ryan and Stephen say they have become better, healthier men because they faced their struggles, changed how they express themselves, and taught themselves to manage themselves for their kids.

"I have improved at… dealing with things and handling things," says Stephen.

"I wrote that in a message to Leo the other week," Ryan adds. "I said, at times I think my job is to guide and direct you on life, but the truth is, it's a dialogue. I'm learning an equal amount as you are in this journey."