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Commonplace Lavatory Laughs

Restroom comedy has always been the safe haven of your Daily, and writers stay alert to significant toilet tales and milestones, notably connected to soccer. What a delight it was to discover that an online journalist a famous broadcaster possesses a urinal decorated with West Brom motifs at his home. Consider the situation for the Barnsley fan who took the rest room a little too literally, and needed rescuing from an empty Oakwell stadium after falling asleep on the loo during halftime of a 2015 loss by Fleetwood. “He had no shoes on and misplaced his cellphone and his cap,” stated a representative from Barnsley fire services. And everyone remembers when, at the height of his fame playing for City, the controversial forward visited a nearby college to use the facilities in 2012. “Balotelli parked his Bentley outside, then entered and inquired where the toilets were, afterward he visited the teachers' lounge,” a student told the Manchester Evening News. “Later he simply strolled round the campus like he owned the place.”

The Restroom Quitting

Tuesday represents 25 years from when Kevin Keegan quit as the England coach after a brief chat inside a lavatory booth with FA director David Davies in the bowels of Wembley, subsequent to the memorable 1-0 setback versus Germany during 2000 – the Three Lions' last game at the legendary venue. As Davies remembers in his diary, his confidential FA records, he entered the drenched beleaguered England dressing room right after the game, only to find David Beckham in tears and Tony Adams energized, both players begging for the suit to bring Keegan to his senses. After Dietmar Hamann's set-piece, Keegan moved wearily along the passageway with a thousand-yard stare, and Davies discovered him collapsed – reminiscent of his 1996 Liverpool behavior – within the changing area's edge, saying quietly: “I’m off. I’m not for this.” Collaring Keegan, Davies worked frantically to salvage the situation.

“What place could we identify [for a chat] that was private?” remembered Davies. “The passageway? Swarming with media. The changing area? Crowded with emotional footballers. The bathing section? I couldn't conduct an important discussion with the team manager as squad members entered the baths. Just a single choice remained. The restroom stalls. A crucial incident in the Three Lions' storied past happened in the old toilets of an arena marked for removal. The coming demolition was almost tangible. Pulling Kevin into a stall, I closed the door after us. We stood there, facing each other. ‘You can’t change my mind,’ Kevin said. ‘I'm leaving. I'm not capable. I'll announce to journalists that I'm not competent. I cannot inspire the squad. I can't extract the additional effort from these athletes that's required.’”

The Results

And so, Keegan resigned, subsequently confessing he considered his stint as England manager “empty”. The double Ballon d'Or recipient continued: “I had difficulty passing the hours. I found myself going and training the blind team, the deaf team, working with the ladies team. It’s a very difficult job.” Football in England has advanced considerably in the quarter of a century since. Regardless of improvement or decline, those Wembley toilets and those two towers are no longer present, although a German now works in the technical area Keegan previously used. The German's squad is viewed as one of the contenders for next year's international tournament: England fans, don’t take this era for granted. This particular anniversary from one of the Three Lions’ darkest days acts as a memory that circumstances weren't consistently this positive.

Current Reports

Follow Luke McLaughlin at 8pm UK time for Women’s Bigger Cup updates regarding Arsenal versus Lyon.

Today's Statement

“We stood there in a lengthy line, clad merely in our briefs. We represented Europe's top officials, elite athletes, role models, grown-ups, parents, determined individuals with high morals … yet nobody spoke. We barely looked at each other, our eyes shifted somewhat anxiously when we were requested to advance in couples. There Collina examined us thoroughly with a freezing stare. Quiet and watchful” – ex-international official Jonas Eriksson shares the degrading procedures referees were previously subjected to by previous European football refereeing head Pierluigi Collina.

Soccer Mailbag

“What does a name matter? A Dr Seuss verse exists titled ‘Too Many Daves’. Have Blackpool suffered from Too Many Steves? Steve Bruce, together with staff Steve Agnew and Steve Clemence have been shown through the door marked ‘Do One’. So is that the end of the club’s Steve obsession? Not completely! Steve Banks and Steve Dobbie continue to manage the main squad. Full Steve ahead!” – John Myles

“Now you have loosened the purse strings and provided some branded items, I've opted to write and offer a concise remark. Ange Postecoglou claims he started conflicts on the school grounds with children he expected would overpower him. This pain-seeking behavior must justify his decision to join Nottingham Forest. Being a longtime Tottenham fan I'll continue appreciating the subsequent season award however the sole second-year prize I envision him securing by the Trent, if he lasts that long, is the second division and that would be quite a challenge {under the present owner” – Stewart McGuinness.|