Balancing my Yearning for Spontaneous Intimacy Whilst Seeking a Committed Partnership
As a gay man in my late 40s, my life has involved many, mostly pleasurable years pursuing casual sex with other men since the age of 19. In my 30s, I was in a committed partnership that lasted four years, however it never fully satisfied me, because I didn't experience love nor intimately fulfilled. Truthfully, I have always craved casual sex. Whenever I begin to date any man, once the newness dwindles, I always get the urge to be intimate with other men again.
Questioning the Feasibility of Monogamy
I am now wondering if I’ll ever be able to maintain a monogamous relationship. I'm aware that numerous gay men engage in open relationships, yet when I’ve witnessed them, they appear like hard work, frequently causing significant heartache and envy among all parties. In many ways, I desire another man to love me while allowing me to pursue other intimacies, but I dread to imagine the emotional drain this might create. Is it best to keep having casual sex and acknowledge that a long-term relationship may be unattainable? I’m feeling somewhat confused.
Each individual's intimate path fluctuates. Avoid considering of your relationship needs or your ability to handle different types of sexual unions in a finite way. What you need as you are experiencing them now could easily shift in the future; at a certain time you might become more decisive and discover some clarity and a comfortable path … or perhaps not. One day you could encounter a person offering a life-changing chance to you by reflecting what you want completely … and at another point you may choose that non-committal encounters are best for you. Worrying about what lies ahead and playing the “What if?” game is simply anxiety-based and a waste of your efforts. Try to be present in your relationships, and see the worth of every individual you connect with intimately an intimate bond. If and when you are ever ready to deepen genuine closeness with one partner, you will know.
- The psychotherapist practices as a American psychotherapist who specialises in treating sexual disorders.
