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Encountering rejection, particularly when it recurs often, is anything but enjoyable. A publisher is declining your work, giving a clear “Not interested.” Working in writing, I am well acquainted with rejection. I commenced pitching manuscripts 50 years back, right after college graduation. Since then, I have had several works rejected, along with book ideas and countless essays. Over the past two decades, specializing in personal essays, the rejections have multiplied. Regularly, I face a setback every few days—totaling more than 100 annually. Cumulatively, denials over my career run into thousands. Today, I could claim a PhD in handling no’s.

So, does this seem like a complaining rant? Absolutely not. Because, now, at 73 years old, I have accepted being turned down.

In What Way Have I Accomplished This?

A bit of background: Now, just about each individual and their relatives has given me a thumbs-down. I’ve never kept score my acceptance statistics—doing so would be quite demoralizing.

A case in point: recently, a newspaper editor turned down 20 submissions one after another before saying yes to one. Back in 2016, over 50 book publishers vetoed my book idea before a single one accepted it. Later on, 25 agents rejected a project. One editor requested that I submit potential guest essays only once a month.

The Steps of Rejection

When I was younger, every no stung. It felt like a personal affront. I believed my creation was being turned down, but me as a person.

No sooner a submission was turned down, I would go through the phases of denial:

• First, surprise. What went wrong? Why would editors be ignore my skill?
• Next, refusal to accept. Maybe it’s the wrong person? Perhaps it’s an administrative error.
• Third, rejection of the rejection. What can they know? Who appointed you to hand down rulings on my work? They’re foolish and their outlet is poor. I reject your rejection.
• Fourth, frustration at them, then self-blame. Why do I subject myself to this? Could I be a masochist?
• Subsequently, bargaining (often accompanied by delusion). What does it require you to recognise me as a once-in-a-generation talent?
• Then, depression. I’m no good. Worse, I’ll never be any good.

I experienced this over many years.

Great Examples

Of course, I was in good fellowship. Tales of authors whose work was originally declined are numerous. The author of Moby-Dick. The creator of Frankenstein. James Joyce’s Dubliners. The novelist of Lolita. The author of Catch-22. Nearly each writer of repute was initially spurned. Because they managed to overcome rejection, then maybe I could, too. The basketball legend was dropped from his youth squad. The majority of US presidents over the past six decades had been defeated in campaigns. The filmmaker claims that his script for Rocky and bid to star were turned down 1,500 times. He said rejection as someone blowing a bugle to rouse me and persevere, rather than retreat,” he has said.

Acceptance

Then, when I entered my 60s and 70s, I entered the final phase of setback. Peace. Now, I better understand the multiple factors why someone says no. To begin with, an reviewer may have just published a like work, or have something in the pipeline, or be considering that idea for another contributor.

Or, unfortunately, my pitch is not appealing. Or maybe the reader believes I don’t have the experience or stature to succeed. Or isn’t in the market for the content I am offering. Maybe was too distracted and scanned my submission too fast to see its quality.

You can call it an epiphany. Any work can be rejected, and for any reason, and there is pretty much little you can do about it. Certain reasons for denial are permanently out of your hands.

Within Control

Others are within it. Honestly, my proposals may from time to time be poorly thought out. They may lack relevance and impact, or the message I am struggling to articulate is poorly presented. Alternatively I’m being too similar. Or an aspect about my punctuation, notably commas, was annoying.

The essence is that, despite all my decades of effort and setbacks, I have succeeded in being published in many places. I’ve published two books—my first when I was middle-aged, the next, a memoir, at older—and in excess of a thousand pieces. My writings have been published in newspapers big and little, in diverse sources. My first op-ed ran when I was 26—and I have now contributed to that publication for five decades.

Yet, no major hits, no book signings publicly, no features on popular shows, no Ted Talks, no book awards, no Pulitzers, no international recognition, and no Presidential Medal. But I can more easily handle rejection at my age, because my, humble achievements have cushioned the jolts of my frequent denials. I can choose to be thoughtful about it all at this point.

Valuable Setbacks

Denial can be instructive, but only if you heed what it’s indicating. If not, you will almost certainly just keep interpreting no’s all wrong. What lessons have I gained?

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