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When reports emerged that Rob and Michele Singer Reiner had been killed and their son, Nick Reiner, was a person of interest, it brought addiction back into the national conversation. However, parents affected by a loved one’s addiction fear the dialogue will center on an exceedingly rare act of violence rather than the far more common risks of the condition.

A Personal Connection

Ron Grover and his wife, Darlene, have been watching the developments. They were merely familiar with the Reiners by their work, yet they feel a connection: their own son also became addicted at 15 to opioids and later heroin, much like Nick Reiner, and spent years in and out of rehabilitation and jail. After seven excruciating years, their son achieved sobriety in July 2010.

“It’s just devastating,” states Grover. “It rips your heart out, because that’s a family torn apart, just like so many other families we know whose loved ones didn’t survive the disease of addiction.”

Understanding the Epidemic

More than two-thirds of Americans report their lives have been touched by addiction—whether through personal struggle, a family member’s dependency, housing instability from addiction, or an drug-related emergency leading to medical care or loss, according to 2023 data.

Approximately one in six Americans, or tens of millions of people, had a substance use disorder in 2024.

“This can happen to anybody, no matter how rich you are, no matter how disadvantaged you are, no matter how influential you are,” stated Grover.

The Weight of Judgment

The Reiner story struck a chord with Greg, who leads a family support group. “We talk a lot about how it’s a condition that affects the whole family,” Greg said. “It has a profound effect on others’ lives.”

However, he is concerned that the tragic events will make people “deeply suspicious of anybody who’s admitted to having an addiction, and think that they could become dangerous at any point in time. And that’s simply inaccurate,” Greg noted.

These “are really crucial discussions to have, since addiction is so prevalent in the United States and the rates have consistently risen,” stated an academic researcher who studies addiction and the legal system. She pointed to the significant stigma surrounding addiction and mental health in the U.S., including the “perception of someone being really dangerous and the potential for causing violence.”

She also advised against jumping to conclusions about the reported involvement of the son or his state at the time, noting it is unclear whether drugs or mental health issues were involved recently.

“I’m afraid that people are going to take their stigmatization of addiction and this condition, and fill in the gaps to try to make sense of what happened,” she said. “Because of his history, the first thing that everyone is talking about is his struggle.”

Separating Myth from Fact

While addiction can lead to erratic actions, and some substances may increase aggression, a violent crime like a double homicide is exceptionally rare.

“The huge majority of people with addiction or this illness do not ever show anything even approaching to violent behavior. It’s a real rarity,” the expert explained. “The statistical truth is a person is significantly more likely to hurt themselves than anyone else.”

The Constant Anxiety

Both Greg and Grover have lived with dread—not of their sons, but about them.

“I’m afraid he’s going to die at some point,” Greg said. “If he relapses, it’s eventually going to kill him. That’s my greatest terror. And my other fear is just being estranged from him.” He described the agonizing decisions parents face, such as setting limits and sometimes making the “horribly painful” choice that an adult child cannot live at home.

“Our fear then was, every single night you went to sleep, that you could get a phone call or that knock on the door telling you that he was gone forever,” said Grover. Those fears are present “every single day, every day of the year, for a parent.”

He recounted the terrifying calls: from the hospital saying a son was unconscious; from prison, where a parent might rationalize behavior by thinking, “ ‘Well, at least he committed theft to support his habit; at least he wasn’t breaking into the neighbors’ houses.’”

The Loneliness of the Struggle

Parents often battle loneliness—wondering if the addiction stemmed from some mistake they made; bearing guilt for a child’s actions; and dreading judgment from others directed at both parent and child.

It is extremely challenging to understand a family’s ordeal without having been through it, Greg noted. “With addiction, it can shift instantly. You could be perfectly happy one day and miserable the next... It’s not unusual for that to happen.”

The Path Forward

Data indicates about three in four people with addiction are able to become sober.

“Just as you can recover from any other type of disease, you can get over this condition, too. You can heal and be productive,” said Grover. “If you work at it and you fail, you get up and work at it some more.”

Today, his son is a married with children, holds a university education, and works as a union electrician. Grover reflected on his struggle to “fix” his son, realizing it could not be forced.

“I can push him into recovery if I want to, but if he doesn’t grasp my hand for help, it’s not going to succeed,” he said.

Yet, they always reiterated they loved him and believed in him.

“I tell any parent or anybody else that’s dealing with someone addicted to drugs: make sure your hand is always, always extended, because you never know when they’ll reach out and accept help.”